If that question popped out of my mind last year, I would definitely say "YES" in exagerration. But now, I don't think so. I'm confused again. Last year, I really felt special, that feeling alone inspired me to be the best person I could be. I did many things for the first time...because of him. After a couple of months, I'm sank here asking what happened?
I don't want to live in a world full of pretensions. God knows, I'm not a hypocrite. I am transparent and all. These days, I'm suffering, I'm hurting, I'm confused, I dunno what to do. There are times that Im feeling okay, well, not sure actually, I might just be telling that I'm okay, but deep inside, I'm not. Maybe, I havent really moved on. Such a traumatic experience right?
What's happening to me? I dunno really. I think I'm lost. I want to do something which will make me happy. But there's something in me keeps on dictating my mind not to do it. Maybe it's my pride, totally sucks right. But what can I do, I don't want everything to be complicated. And besides, there's no assurance that it would turn out well in case I do it. I dont wanna left out crying and frustrated. Sigh. I dunno. I guess, I'm becoming really stupid. I tend to magnify things which I dont have to in the first place. This feeling really sucks! I wonder how I will move on. How? I have no idea. I haven't told anyone about this. They thought I'm okay, well, I am..but not fully. There are times that I'm still thinking about it. I'm still hoping, I guess...that someday,I would be able to get what I want.....that I want him back! .....in life.
This is tough......but I can get through with this. Fighting!
